Children Act disputes between parents often start because of the use of alcohol or drugs by one (or both) of the parents. It has probably been an issue for sometime between the parties and such disputes can be characterised by allegation and counter allegation. So how does the legal system handle it?
If you think your co-parent abuses alcohol or drugs:
- Decide what it is you are saying: is their substance use physically risky to them and therefore to the children when they are with them?
- It may be because they regularly drink drive, or pick up the children when they are drunk or obviously still hung-over.
- Are they using a substance to cope? Does it make them miss school runs? work?
- Is their substance use social? Or has it attracted the attention of the police?
- What is it they need to change that will stop this issue from damaging their relationship with the children? A policy of “no contact with the children ever until they are teetotal” will not be realistic from the court’s point of view.
- Are you prepared for the cost of testing? Substance use is regularly tested by the courts but it can be expensive.
- Do not save your concerns for a later date. Welfare concerns should be raised with the court at the first opportunity.
If you are being accused of alcohol and drugs abuse by your co-parent:
- Are they raising these issues as part of a pattern of abuse and control? (i.e. your social drinking that you have been overdoing as a coping mechanism makes you “unfit” as a parent)
- Assess your behaviour. Be realistic about your drinking levels or drug use.
- Do you think you could make some changes to stabilise your relationship with the other parent?
- Don’t think “If I get help it is an admission of guilt”. Getting help shows the court you are doing the right thing and you are committed to a relationship with your children.
- Children have a right to a relationship with both their parents. No one is perfect and the court simply expects you not to engage in behaviour that puts the children at risk of harm.
- If you misuse alcohol and drugs and do nothing about your behaviour then you time with your children may be limited and supervised, so doing nothing is not really an attractive option.
You are the Mum or Dad that your children have. There is no sub on the bench. Here are a some links to some people who may be able to help.
