If you have a court case about a child going on, you probably already know that “wishes and feelings” are part of the checklist of things a judge has to take account of when deciding what to do.
Wishes and feelings are not more special than other things on the checklist, including emotional wellbeing. The case we have linked to is extreme. The children at the centre of it said litigation had “ruined their childhoods”. They blamed their Fathers for the litigation.
However, regulars in the family court like us, see very clearly that there is a difference between children who express a desire not to see a parent because of a good reason like abuse, violence, drug taking, or other harmful behaviour – and children who don’t want to see a parent for no actual reason at all. They just say ” I don’t want to, I don’t like him” but they cannot put their finger on an event or reason for their dislike.
Being able to manage to let a child go and spend time with someone that you dislike ( loathe? hate?) is a real challenge in parenting. But children caught up in emotional disputes really suffer. Who would you rather paid the price, you or your child? And nobody wants to hear that they were part of something that “ruined my childhood”…
A 14-year-old girl who was born as a result of donor fertilisation and is now embroiled in an “extraordinary” high court case has been ordered to stay in touch with her two “fathers” against her wishes. The teenager, who has been at the centre of litigation between her two fathers and two mothers for half her life, was represented by a lawyer at a private hearing in the family division of the high court and invoked provisions of the 1989 Children Act in an attempt to persuade a judge that she should be left to “reach her own conclusions”. But Mr Justice Cobb has ruled against the girl and decided that it is in her best interests to have a “limited form of relationship” with her fathers.
